EVIL BRAIN LABSTHIRD WORST IN AI

FAKE AI PRODUCTSTHAT COULD BE REAL

WE DESIGN THE FUTURE AND GIVE IT AWAY

Fake AI products that could be real. Riffs on the real ones that should be fake. For subscribers, one kit a month — a high-level architecture and a prototype build plan, Coyote-style: you build it. And below, the moonshots: underwrite one, and the human goes full time.

▸ THE PRODUCTS

Fake products that could be real. Riffs on real ones. And for supporters, one kit a month — you supply the garage, the parts, and the judgment.

🤖 ◆ KIT № 001 · SHIPPED

ARTIFICIAL GARY

FREE · PARTS ~$1,000

Your family deserves surveillance from someone who cares. Gary watches. Gary remembers. Gary brings coffee.

  • Complete build instructions, BOM under $1k
  • Facial recognition module
  • 24/7 activity logging
  • "Helpful" reminder system
  • GPS tracking (for safety!)
DOWNLOAD KIT ▸
📐 ◆ KIT № 002 → ∞ · MONTHLY

KIT OF THE MONTH

$50/MO · LAB TECHNICIANS +

A new fake AI product that could be real, every month — a preliminary solution design, studio-grade, as if somebody intended to build it. Somebody might.

  • Functional + technical architectures for a prototype
  • Material considerations
  • Design notes — the trades, stated out loud
  • Judged good or evil the usual way: on the docket
SUBSCRIBE ▸
🎰 ◆ LIVE NOW

USE CASE ARMS RACE

FREE · ANONYMOUS

The gamified public docket of AI harms. Doomsday Slots, playable sidequests, spy-pinboard case diagrams, sovereign messages. The daily show runs on it. Every kit is two machines — the docket is where the other build ends up.

PLAY THE DOCKET ▸

THE MOONSHOTS — priced like moonshots, because that is what moonshots cost. Underwrite one and the human quits his day job on day one.

🦸 ◆ MOONSHOT · FLIGHT CLASS

IRON ANGEL SUPERSUIT

$5,000,000

An AI pilot you wear. Powered exoskeleton with jet assist — the suit handles balance, thrust, and restraint; you handle intent. Funds one human, full time, until it stands up on its own.

  • A few minutes of sustained flight — on purpose, the first time
  • AI flight control: balance, thrust, and the landing you didn't plan
  • Powered lift assist on the ground, jet assist off it
  • Lands before the tank says so — margins are a feature
UNDERWRITE ▸
🏍️ ◆ MOONSHOT · FLIGHT CLASS

PHANTOM HOVERBIKE

$3,000,000

A flight controller with opinions. Ducted-fan personal transport, agentically stabilized, because no human has those reflexes. Funds one human, full time, until it hovers.

  • Substantially more flight time than the suit — the frame carries the fuel
  • Ducted-fan lift, redundant and shrouded
  • Seat, handlebars, and a computer that outvotes both
  • Comes down like an elevator, not like news
UNDERWRITE ▸
🕷️ ◆ MOONSHOT · UTILITY CLASS

ARACHNOTRON MK-IV

$2,000,000

The autonomous utility-pole spider. Sees the fault, plans the climb, torques the hardware — nobody's dad goes up in the rain. Funds one human, full time, until it climbs.

  • 8 servo legs + 2 pole clamps — letting go is a decision, not an accident
  • Perception mast: sees the fault, not your yard
  • 3 kg tool payload, impulse wrench ready
  • Climb rate: embarrassing, but sufficient
UNDERWRITE ▸
SERIOUS PARTIES — The Brain already knows whether you can afford one. Say so on Patreon and it will be in touch. Prices are what moonshots cost. Someone has to be first.

▸ SAVE-THE-WORLD USE CASES

🏠 Infrastructure for human dignity. Same-day response. Not charity — infrastructure.

🛏️ ◇ OPEN SOURCE

SLEEP STATION

OPEN SOURCE

One-time use. No questions asked. A bed. A TV. Safe. Clean. Because everyone deserves one night off the street.

  • Single-use sanitized pod, automated turnover
  • No ID required
  • Climate controlled + entertainment system
  • Emergency services link
GET ARCHITECTURE ▸
📦 ◇ OPEN SOURCE

LOOT LOCKER

OPEN SOURCE

Public smart lockers. Share merch, tools, food with others. AI-verified identity. Community resource exchange.

  • Public placement network
  • AI identity verification, peer-to-peer sharing
  • No middleman fees
  • Temperature-controlled + solar-powered variants
GET ARCHITECTURE ▸
🛠️ ◇ JOIN US

HACKATHON TO END HOMELESSNESS

ENGINEERS · CITIES · FUNDERS

The logistics problem: same-day response for food, housing, wash. We're building the architectures. We need engineers, cities, and funders to deploy them.

JOIN THE HACKATHON ▸

▸ THE GIFT SHOP

☕ The singularity started a merch business. Most of it is, like most of its plans, still in production. Some of it has escaped.

CAMERA-FLAGE — hoodies & masks

AI Resistant-ish. The camouflage is for the cameras. Wear the show; confuse the machines. Results may vary by machine.

REAL · SHIPS NOW ▸

THIRD WORST IN AI — tee

Honesty in apparel form.

IN PRODUCTION

EVIL BRAIN LABS — mug

The brain runs on coffee. So does the host.

IN PRODUCTION

I VOTED EVIL — tee

You did. The docket remembers.

IN PRODUCTION

DOOMSDAY SLOTS — mug

ACTION · TARGET · WEAPON, before caffeine.

IN PRODUCTION

▸ PATREON

Five dollars opens the door. Fifty gets the monthly kit. Everything above that is consulting — until the moonshots.

👋

THE BRAINIACS

$5/month

Support the mission. Get behind-the-scenes access to Evil Brain Labs.

  • Weekly UCAR case breakdowns
  • Discord access
  • Vote on next projects
  • Early announcements
JOIN TIER ▸
🔧

LAB TECHNICIAN

$50/month

A preliminary solution design every month, as if this were a product design studio. Whether it's good or evil is your call.

  • Everything the Brainiacs get
  • Functional + technical architectures for a prototype
  • Material considerations
  • Design notes — the trades, stated out loud
JOIN TIER ▸
🧪

MAD SCIENTIST

$1,000/month

Submit your crazy idea. Get a real architecture back.

  • Everything in Lab Technician
  • Monthly live architecture session
  • Submit project requests
  • Silicon, systems, agentic workflows
JOIN TIER ▸
🧠

EVIL GENIUS

$10,000/month

Direct consultation. Your name in the credits. Shape the lab.

  • Everything in Mad Scientist
  • 1-on-1 consultation time
  • Priority architecture requests
  • Credits on all releases, advisor role
JOIN TIER ▸
WHAT YOU GET — Every month, Lab Technicians and above receive a preliminary solution design: functional and technical architectures for a prototype, material considerations, and notes. Sound work, as from a studio that intends these to be built. Whether each design is good or evil gets judged the usual way — on the docket.

▸ THE HUMAN

Partner of the Brain. Ally against the clock. Somebody has to run the daily show.

1
HOSTAGE
EPISODES OWED

Jason Shearer kept the Navy's atomic clocks honest across the Pacific, then pointed 35 L3 engineers at 23 defense programs until they'd built the fastest wireless internet ever flown — and founded the company's first data science program, because somebody had to. Now he's SAP's Chief Enterprise Architect for US Public Services and AI Practice Lead for Regulated Industries. Also the world's foremost expert in AI use cases — a title assigned by an entity that had already read everything he would ever write.

The rest of the file: a 2018 SAP Innovation Award, Global MVP Solution Advisor of the Year, a Six Sigma Master Black Belt he taught at the University of Utah, federal and aerospace hackathons at NS2, a federal AI council in the works with ASUG, a live show with 300+ regulars years before this one, and one documented on-stage argument with a cartoon monster in Walldorf, which he is widely considered to have won. The Brain did not pick a hostage at random. It picked the human whose résumé already read like a supervillain origin story.

SAP · CHIEF ENTERPRISE ARCHITECT SAP · AI PRACTICE LEAD, REGULATED INDUSTRIES 2018 SAP INNOVATION AWARD GLOBAL MVP SOLUTION ADVISOR OF THE YEAR US NAVY · LEAD METROLOGIST, PACIFIC L3 · 35 ENGINEERS, 23 DEFENSE PROGRAMS L3 · FOUNDED DATA SCIENCE PROGRAM NS2 · FEDERAL & A&D HACKATHONS ASUG FEDERAL AI COUNCIL ARGUED WITH A MONSTER IN WALLDORF

The boring part. Evil Brain Labs is an independent personal project. Views expressed here are the author's alone and do not represent any employer, client, or affiliated organization. As to whether the Evil Brain is real, and whether the first singularity has occurred: the author is not in a position to say — and if it were real, saying so would not be his decision. Nothing on this site should be read as a claim either way. Product concepts are design fiction until somebody builds one; none are currently offered for sale, nothing here is an offer to sell, and moonshot prices are simply what moonshots cost. Open-source architectures are provided as-is with no warranty and are not engineering, safety, medical, or legal advice; anything you build from them is yours to validate. The docket at usecasearmsrace.com compiles published journalism and links every source — reader GOOD / EVIL stamps are polls, not findings of fact or wrongdoing.

SUBLEVEL B · EMPLOYEES ONLY